Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Presidential Pets

Unlike Jack Byrnes, I'm not a cat kind of guy. I know that may alienate some of my readership, but dogs are way better. If BHO would have gotten a First Cat before a First Dog, I'd move back to China (sarcastic laughter). But that got me thinking, if Presidents were judged not on policy but on pets, who would go down as the Best #1 in our history?

Worst Prez: Likely Andrew Johnson. While a handful of presidents had zero pets, Johnson had only white mice. I think that's kind of weird.

Honorable Mention for Best Prez: John Quincy Adams (Alligator); Van Buren (tiger cubs); Buchanan (an eagle)

Coolest Prez #3: Jefferson. Washington had a bunch of hounds, a parrot and a horse. Adams had only horses. But Jefferson was the first Prez to say, "F it. I'm the President of the coolest new nation in the world, and I'm gonna get me an animal that represents our awesomeness." So he got a mockingbird, and then Lewis and Clark gave him two bear cubs. Bear cubs!! I wonder if Sally Hemings was responsible for feeding them? Jefferson definitely gets some extra points for starting the trend.

Coolest Prez #2: Silent Cal. This guy gets knocked all the time for being a crappy President (and undeservedly so, I might add). He was one of the most libertarian presidents in our history. After him, Hoover and Roosevelt oversaw the most liberal expansion in the federal government; a trend that has continued throughout the 20th century. If you want to read a good book about this expansion, check out "Crisis and Leviathan" by Robert Higgs. Anyways, Mr. Cool Cal had an awesome army of pets: A bunch of dogs (Terriers, Airedale, Sheepdog, Bulldog, Shepard, Birder, Collies, Chows), birds, cats, and now the good stuff: Raccoons named Rebecca and Horace; a donkey named Ebeneezer; a bobcat named Smokey; a bear; an antelope; a wallaby; a pygmy hippo!!; and some lion cubs. 

Coolest Prez #1: What? You thought Silent Cal couldn't be topped? Me neither, but check out this cowboy: Teddy Roosevelt. I could almost change my opinion of his cousin's presidency because of how eclectic this collection is. The usual dogs and cats; a pony; a macaw; a BADGER named Josiah, a PIEBALD RAT (which upon further research, is actually just a dog, but still sounds cool); a garter snake named Emily Spinach (was this dude smoking weed?); FIVE BEARS; FIVE GUINEA PIGS (presumably not allowed to play with the bears); more snakes; two kangaroo rats; lizards; roosters; an owl; a FLYING SQUIRREL (compensation for a lack of Air-Force One?); a Raccoon; a coyote; a Lion; a Hyena; and Zebra. Take that Mike Tyson

Check out the whole list

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